Career came first; kids changed everything
Kristine Jaros probably won't have time to read the new book "Mommy Wars," but she doesn't really need to. She lives it.
Jaros, an accountant with a master's degree in business administration, is the mother of Adam, 4, and Annika, 20 months. On this, her fifth Mother's Day, Jaros finds herself stretching to juggle career and kids.
Her dilemma is shared by thousands of highly educated women whose career track and earning power hang in the balance after they have babies. Motherhood becomes an economic conundrum: sacrifice a good wage, and possibly a career honed by years of education, to stay home with the kids.
Jaros, 35, started her training with a double major in accounting and logistics from Central Michigan University, then earned a master's of business administration from the University of Wisconsin, Oshkosh. After that, she pulled down a good income handling logistics for a start-up company, supporting her husband as he launched his own business.
Having a baby wasn't a worry until she crossed a landmark, the Grand Rapids woman said.
"I hit 30 and thought 'Holy moly, I've got to do this," Jaros said. She became pregnant and quit her job 20 weeks later. For the next four years, she was a full-time homemaker with her son and, later, her daughter, all relying on her husband.
"I was so used to being the breadwinner," Jaros said. "Then for me to all of a sudden have no income was a real shock."
An even bigger surprise came in December, when she got a job offer from Priority Health, a Grand Rapids insurance company.
"I wasn't looking for it. But I had heard such great things about Priority Health and the flexibility it had with families, I couldn't pass it up," she said. The company proposed a three-month project, a contract that seemed like the perfect test.
"I had always wondered whether I was fulfilled, being home with the kids. I hadn't pictured myself as a homemaker," she said.
Internal battle
That's a pivotal issue for career-track women when they become mothers, said Leslie Morgan Steiner, author and editor of the new book, "Mommy Wars." Her book, published in April by Random House, traces the sometimes contentious relationship between moms with and without jobs outside home. But the bigger battle is internal, Steiner said.
"For years, I struggled to end my own personal catfight over career and family balance," Steiner writes. "I still struggle."
So does Jaros. With just a week to prepare, her three-month job stint was trial by fire.
"That whole transition was just amazingly stressful. The kids cried every day when I left. I had to focus on my job and question, 'Is this worth it?' "
By the end of the contract, Jaros knew her answer. No.
"Literally for three months, we didn't have any fun together," Jaros said. "Working full-time was not worth it to me. The price was too high."
Her supervisors at Priority Health agreed.
"They were phenomenal," Jaros said.
Flexibility helps
Family-friendly policies are a core value for the company, said Thea Reigler, associate vice president of human resources for Priority Health. With 73 percent of its employees women, and a female chief, Kim Horn, flexibility is key.
"We have a lot of telecommuting and actual job-shares," Reigler said. And when a female employee is offered a schedule that meets her family's needs, she becomes deeply loyal, Reigler said.
Jaros figured the only way she could stay would be part time. Priority agreed to it. Now Jaros works Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday, then regroups.
"Those three days are insanely busy, but then we have four days where we return to being a family," she said.
Jaros is not alone in her quest. In her spare time, she's active in the local chapter of Mothers and More, a national organization serving "sequencing" women, mostly college graduates who shift from careers to child-raising, to some blend of the two worlds.
Her friends in the nonprofit group are watching closely.
"They're using me as their guinea pig," Jaros said, laughing. "You've just got to find the balance that works for you."